Who I Am When No One’s Watching

I don’t think I talk about this enough.

Who I am when no one’s watching isn’t the version people probably think.

I’m not always confident. I’m not always sure.

Most of the time, when it’s just me, I’m thinking. A lot.

• About where I’m going.

• About what I’m building.

• About whether I’m doing enough.

• About whether I’m doing too much.

My brain doesn’t really switch off. It just moves from one tab to another.

I imagine different futures. I replay decisions. I plan things I haven’t told anyone about yet.

I get excited about ideas and then doubt them five minutes later. I want more, but I also want peace. I want growth, but I also want to feel settled.

It’s a weird balance.

When no one’s watching, I’m softer than I let on.

I care more than I show. I take things to heart. I think about how I come across. I question whether I’m being too much or not enough even though I tell myself not to.

I’m ambitious. Quietly. Constantly. It’s not loud, but it’s there every day.

This steady push to improve, to build, to evolve. I don’t think I could turn it off even if I tried.

But I’m also tired. Sometimes exhausted. I'm also aware that growing into a new version of yourself isn’t instant. It’s uncomfortable. It’s slow. It’s small decisions over and over again.

When no one’s watching, I’m choosing differently. I’m raising my standards. I’m letting go of things that don’t feel right anymore, even if they’re familiar to me.

I’m still figuring it out.

I’m not fully who I’m going to be yet. But I’m not who I was either.

Just finding my feet.

Thats enough seriousness for now xx